Journaling from 1995 incidents

This is some of my typed journaling I did when I lived in Fort Worth. I still can not figure out who was doing the stalking. There were too many people involved and too many possibiities. However, you need to read this to see how my mind was working...lots of difficulty staying focused. I am glad I kept this. It's long. I kept most of it in the original form but moved one sentence because it was in the wrong paragraph but kept the thoughts as they were typed back then...switching from one thought to another. There may be a few mispelled words since I kept this it it's original form. You will learn something here. Besides the brain injury and the seizures, I was also stalked for 7 years. Believe it or not, this was a letter I sent to Social Security. Several months later, they scheduled a hearing for me however to this date that has never taken place. I showed up with my appointment letter in hand and a stack of medical records. I waited over 3 hours only to learn the worker had gone home and it was closing time. The appointment was NEVER rescheduled. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I removed my name and address from here. What is in parenthesis is my added notes to emphasise what was said and bring you up to date. Fort Worth February 2, 1995 Department of Health and Human Services Social Security Administration Office of Hearings and Appeals To Whom It May Concern: Social Security made a mistake in my monthly disability checks. I guess that’s what the error was when I was sent $772.00 instead of $412.00 in December 1994. There was an error for ’91, ’92, and ’93. That was great to get the extra money, but it was not near enough to pay for the expenses I had to pay for because of losing Medicaid. If I had a private insurance policy that was paying for illnesses in November and the illnesses continued the following, month, the company would still pay even though I was not still a client. Example: I was in a car wreck in Dec. of 1988. My Michigan no fault insurance paid for my care for three years. That was the length of time they were supposedly responsible for. After a few short months, they dropped me as a customer. They claimed if I were in another wreck and received another head injuries it could be worse. They were right about one thing. Head injuries do build upon head injuries. I received a concussion while a patient at Richland Hospital on Glenview in Richland Hills 1992. I was sent home in a taxi because my legs would not support me long and I could not drive. My doctor, Eunmee Sohn, said she could not chart that even though it was the truth. Some of the patients (including me) had gone on an outing to the movie. There was a minor van accident in which the 3 women in the back seat each received a concussion. Due to my pre-existing condition, I have suffered longer. I have a copy of the Cat Scan that was done. The driver went home without reporting the incident. Being a nurse and having problems staying awake and standing, I reported the incident. Medicare and Medicaid have been paying for the care that has resulted from that accident. Really, somebody should sue the hospital. In my case, I received a brain injury in 1988. Since the concussion of ’92, I have started having seizures. They were petit mal seizures, which sometimes were series of seizures causing me to talk and act like I was drugged or drunk. I do not drink nor have I ever done drugs. Since Medicaid was dropped, I have started having grand-mal seizures from the stress of stalkers, harassers, vandalizers, and having to appeal so many times for Food Stamps, and having to appeal for Medicaid. I cannot handle all these medical bills. The barium enema in Dec was the result of an illness that started in Nov. and continued into Jan. I need new glasses because my vision is weaker and I am losing some of my night vision. I cannot see fluorescent objects at night. I have to look through the middle lenses of my trifocals to see. That is very small lenses to use to look at distant objects. My vision in the distant lenses is blurred. My daughter was paying my bills but now they are my responsibility. Besides house bills, I renewed my nursing license because I don’t know when or if I will be able to nurse again. That cost plus I had to take CEU’s to renew. CEU’s cost. My driver’s license has expired in Dec. ’94. I need to renew it even though I cannot drive presently. That cost. It is difficult to take care of my home, keep track of my bills, etc, and have grand-mal seizures that interrupt my day. I spend much of the day in the emergency room (averaging 2-3 times a week). Some days I spend much of my time sleeping because of petit-mal seizures that may be narcolepsy. Turned out I am Dilantin Toxic. I guarantee that fogs your mind. I became Dilantin toxic as of Jan. 29, 1995. I had been having the symptoms of being poisoned. Since I have been stalked, harassed, and vandalized, I was afraid these people were poisoning my drinks. My vandalizers had acquired keys. The police told me to quit drinking from open containers and change my locks (that gets expensive). That is paranoia from so much stress and many people (legal and medical) not wanting to believe me or even help. They assume and make asses of themselves and misdiagnose me or mismedicate me. Dr. Harold Eudaly did that. My daughter and I fired him. He gave me medicine that made me speed, medicine that gave me amnesia, and medicine that made me groggy and sleepy. He told my daughter “Your mother has a brain injury and I can’t help her anyway. If you want to talk to me, come to her regularly scheduled appointment.” How tacky! My daughter can’t take off work that easily. You paid for Dr. Eudaly’s visits. The last prescription I brought back to him and I had taken only 1 tablet. Wasted my money. That prescription cost me to have to pay for other medicine because Medicaid only pays for 3 meds. (By the way, when I was taken off Felbatol, which cost over $86.00, I had to pay for the Dilantin). I can’t keep spending my money buying medicine I can’t take and changing locks. These people managed to get keys to my house, my gate locks, my car, and my garage locks. Gas was siphoned from my car. You need a key to do that. My computer was damaged to the tune of $517.24. There was other damage done to my home. My insurance company took care of some of it. My 25 automatic gun was stolen from my garage. I got real depressed from the Medicaid business, stalking, etc. (mostly nobody wanting to help) that I took my gun apart and threw it in my garage. I didn’t want it in the house with the way I was feeling. I was scared. Had I wanted to kill myself I would not have done that. The floor in my garage is dirt. A policeman saw the footprint in the dirt by the light switch but would not plaster cast it because a homicide had not been committed, yet. He said this is property. Wrong! My life is being threatened by causing stress that is causing life-threatening seizures. That is a slow death. I could stroke out. What will it take to get help to fingerprint some things and protect me? When my gun was stolen, an empty 1/5 bottle of McCormick’s Vodka was left. A few days later, an empty Busch beer can was left on things my son has stored in my garage. My ex boyfriend drinks these brands. However, it has been so long since we broke up, I believe someone is framing him. I believe he was the one who first broke into my home because he may be back into narcotics. Instead of staying at Danny’s, it was easier for him to hide things. There have been tale tale signs but nobody seems to care. I still have the bottle and the beer can among other things. I am not paranoid. What has all this got to do with Medicaid? I am under a lot of stress and have no advocate. I can’t keep fighting Medicaid and Food Stamps and irresponsible doctors. Continually talking and writing about my problems causes stress which causes seizures. You are killing me. I had an appointment for a man to come to my home for an interview for my appeal concerning Food Stamps. I had to reschedule because I had NOT received the original notice. That was his conclusion because I was unprepared, forgot he was due, and apparently had a foggy brain that day. MHMR sent me several communications I never received. Some of my mail was found at DFW Airport opened and on the floor. Mail I have sent was never received by the other party. My mail has been intercepted and tampered with. I reported that to the Postal Inspector. Supposedly I received a 2.8% cost of living increase for Social Security but SSI went down $14.00 (from $54.00 to $40.00) and Food Stamps went down $8.00 (from $83.00 to $76.00 but now down to $72.00). I will get $11.00. What kind of increase did I end up with, 2.8%? No! I ended up with a $60.00 decrease. Figure that! Our system needs revision, primarily caring, concerned, educated people. Instead, when I call everybody, I am told “I can’t help you, call this number.” “Nobody is going to help you with that attitude.” You better pray you are never a patient of mine and get upset rightfully so. I may tell you get another nurse, shut up; I can’t help you, call this number. A nurse is supposed to find out why you are upset and allow you your feelings if they are appropriate. Would you not say my being upset and/or angry are not appropriate emotions in this case? Had I earned the extra money I received in Dec., appealed, and still got Medicaid back. I could have worked and earned over $975.00 and qualified for at least $1.00 in SSI which would qualify me for Medicaid. Isn’t that discrimination under the Americans With Disabilities Act 1992? I cannot work at the present so I get less benefits and less money? There is a clause that states if you quit receiving SSI, you could quit receiving Medicaid. That implies you may still keep it. You have a legal “loophole,” you did not work to earn the money; but, there are several “loopholes” for the recipient. I can show them to you. How fair are you? I’ve enjoyed my benefits but I am tired of a full time job of trying to keep them. Too damn much stress. That is not an inspiration to get out and work. I can not work now. You keep us in a catch 22 position. You are killing not helping me. Originally, Social Security told me my injury would not last over 12 months but it had already lasted well over that. I was told I could go back to my normal job of secretary. Number one, I was a nurse, not a secretary. How well were my records read or were they? Number two, I had restrictions where I was not supposed to do repetitious use of my right hand and arm preventing me from being a secretary had I been one. I still cannot sit and stand only. I have to be up and down, able to move around on the job. Presently, I cannot drive and I am having too many seizures to work at any job. I can’t be retrained by TRC because I cannot work yet. Why should we have to hire an attorney and lose 25% of our benefits? Shall I take that on with an attorney? I have all my paperwork for that in my files. The way I figure it, Social Security really owes me thousands of dollars. What was the monthly shortage? If I was due $426 for ’91, ’92, and ‘93, that is $12,92 difference and adds up to $465.12 not $310.00. I figure Social Security owes me more money plus my attorney fees for my large lump sum payment because Social Security apparently did not read my file. Back to the Food Stamp business. I received more Food Stamps when I worked part time. Why do I get less when I am not working at all? Because I did not remember the appointment, I was not prepared. I had not been home long due to taking the bus to tend to other matters. I was tired and stressed. (One day I took the bus but ended up on the East side of town and had to take a taxi to get to my appointment. I am not always alert as I may appear and I don’t know the transit system yet.) My daughter had been paying my bills with my money by way of a power of attorney, which was not filed in court. My medical condition in 1992 mandated this as a gentlemen’s agreement. My daughter threw away all my paperwork. She said I could find it at the dump. (Do not assume I did something to cause this reaction. There are irresponsible doctors involved here to cause so much misunder- standing.) I don’t have a phone to call the utility companies to get copies. It takes money to use the phone. I have to walk to the Fina station across I-30 to use a pay phone. I am not always alert as I need to be (meaning a foggy mind because of the seizures; my OQ is 128. That is an increase from '89 after the car wreck and still shy of the 130 I was before it.) My children are stressed out by my stressors and theirs. I get very irritable. I get drowsy. I get forgetful. Some days I don’t remember if I ate or not and usually I didn’t. This is due to the seizures and the Dilantin toxicity. My CBC lab work is okay. Tell me, how can a doctor dismiss you as a patient after getting you Dilantin toxic? Dr. William Gulledge did as of a letter I received today. Not only that, he had me on 500 mg Dilantin a day. He decreased it to 400 mg a day. Even though I was having tingling lips and tongue. My left arm and hand were and are going to sleep. On 400 mg a day I became toxic yet he wants me to keep taking the same dosage that got me toxic!? The emergency room doctor told me 300 mg a day is all my size person should be taking. I was off Dilantin form Sunday night to Wednesday morning. After I took the morning dose of 200 mg as I was supposed to on Wednesday, I seizured. I was very lethargic I was told. Praise God the neighbor four doors down let me use the phone of the person he is staying with (she/he was not home). All my other neighbors work. I knew I was too sick to walk across highway 30 bridge (about 2 ½ blocks to 3 blocks) to the Fina station to use a pay phone. And the phone co. turned my phone off!? When this man from the Food Stamp office was here, I did not ask to have the hearing anyway. I remember saying I don’t know when I will have a good day or a bad day and I would have to have the money to take a bus and make transfers. I remember very little about the visit. I know I told about my house insurance and car insurance. My gas bill is over $120.00 but I didn’t know where it was. I received my electric bill after this visit. It is over $120.00 also because it is for 2 months. I did not get it in the rears, my daughter did. I forgot he was coming. It wouldn’t have made any difference for the foggy frame of mind my brain was in. I told him my daughter threw away all my paper work. She did pay off my house. I don’t remember when or if it was reported. I know I told MHMR In Home Family Support. They paid for siding and windows for my home, which will cut back on my utilities because now I have insulation. I am making plans to stay with a friend for a refuge and safety from the stalkers. My body needs a rest from all this stress. I repeat things I’ve told over and over. I forget too quickly. Stress management won’t get rid of the stalkers, etc. Rest is what my body needs. The stalkers do exist. How can I have so many unpublished telephone numbers yet they keep getting them? One time a man was calling me all hours of the day and night. My main number and my personal ring number was changed. He had been calling me on both numbers. Only my children, my attorney, and one girlfriend had those numbers. This man called me at 4:15 the next morning. How? A man called me and told me “We don’t care what you have on your phone.” A woman called me (this ex drives her car but said she does not exist, ha), said she didn’t know how she got me like she knew who I was. First names were exchanged. I did star 69 and she had me blocked. She had to know my unpublished number to block me. I did not call her. She called me. I received a call from info. line phone behind locked doors and a security system. Explain. There were more calls hard to explain. Why would somebody accidentally get me by calling themselves? My number at that time was one digit off from Country Day School. I was told by the police and the phone co. someone accidentally got me. Explain, because the calls came from the Country Day School. There is so much more I could write a book. I received bogus applications while working as an apartment locator for the Dallas market but working in Hurst. The other lady took this application. The name was Angelica Jarimillo and Ifrian Cervantes. She does not speak English good enough to have made the call and didn’t. The phone number given was that of a black lady in Oakcliff. Angelica lives in Euless. Her and her husband are separated and he lives in Laredo. Jarimillo, her maiden name is the same as my ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend in Albuquerque whom he abandoned me for when we visited his other Thanksgiving of 1993. Donna still owed him money but they spent the whole day together in my car. She has three illegitimate children by a boyfriend they supposedly spent the day with and his other girlfriend? Two months later a car showed up in Fort Worth that was a title transfer from Fae Ford in Albuquerque to Juley Samuelson in Fort Worth. This ex is driving that car, claiming she does not exist, then he claimed he purchased her car. It is an ’85 white Plymouth Turissmo license plate MPH 50R. He moved in with this Juley and her sister or mother, Diana C/Ingrid Samuelson 3712 River Birch, Fort Worth, Texas 76137. Fae Ford no longer has a listing in Albuquerque but there is a new listing for a Fae Ford in Plano, Texas. Care to figure what is going on? Narcotics maybe? Conning maybe? Nobody wants to investigate. And I am caught in the middle. I called Oscar Salinas, a parole officer whose business card was in this ex’s possession. Oscar met with me because a man called him a few days prior pretending to be a black man named Brooks Barclay. “He” stated he had “fucked up his life” and was in a mess he didn’t want to be in. Oscar also wanted to know how I got his non-published home number. (There is California Social Security number and car license number on it. I’ve seen this car at Texas Billiards where Michael frequents. Kyle, the bartender is one of his friends.) Oscar knew who had to have given the card to Michael. Conclusion, he may have been the Michael Ray Jones born Nov 1952 who had been picked up for possession of Marijuana. Michael Richard Jones was born Nov 13, 1951 in South Bend, Indiana. He has lived all over the states, Mexico, and the Islands. He grew and sold Marijuana to the tune of at least $20,000.00 a year. He and Danny Poindexter have done every kind of drug out there. Supposedly he had been clean for 6 years when I met him in March 1993. Danny went through a rehab. Clinic. Danny’s fiancé, Sabrina Peterson supposedly still occasionally smokes “pot.” I know Dean, one of Danny’s workers for siding jobs does. I have seen him. He and friends and relatives smoke at motor cross races. I’ve been there. Michael refused a drag but let them pass the “cigarette” across my lap and my new clothes. I refused and this guy couldn’t believe I have never done any kind of drugs and I was Michael’s girlfriend! I also refused alcohol. That also surprised him. We visited his old “drug” buddies. Many are getting on with their lives, but Donna Jarimillo is still having “troubles.” Her name will come up concerning a bogus app. at work. Read on! I have this guy’s address (George). Michael and I took a vacation together and he almost drowned me. With all that’s been happening I believe he may really have had that in mind. Seawater is no fun to cough up. I’ve had a lot of illnesses since. Supposedly his ex-fiancé (Dianne Denman) in Florida has MS but I question that. I think she is playing mind games with him or they have a code. She doesn’t want him back but they still write lover letters. She and her dad called off the marriage because of his drinking. (He is an alcoholic. I did not know that. See why I split up with him?) Her handwriting and speech are too good for some one with MS. She supposedly is a paralegal in Florida. We have talked because I called her when I saved Michael’s life when he seizured in my hallway. I took him in for a few months and drove him to work. I should have not let him come back when the police kicked him out. (The alcohol ruins all the good that is there.) He did not pay rent or on any of the bills but ran up high phone bills that have yet to be paid. My services have been terminated. My husband’s death was job related but the lawsuits fell through including the appeal and the attempt to sue the attorneys for malpractice. I had a legal malpractice suit because they filed against the wrong party. My stepson inherited the medical bills of with (which) the insurance money was not half enough to pay the bills. According to the attorney, the bills were not being paid. Timing and dated dictate that my stalkers, etc. may be my stepson and his wife/or friends taking advantage of the situation with my ex-boyfriend. Several of my journaling have been stolen and my computer was accessed before being damaged to the tune of $517.24. I cannot keep talking about my illness because it gives me a severe headache that can cause a seizure. My ears ring all the time from the wreck of ’88 but all this talk makes them ring so loud I have difficulty concentrating and formulating my thoughts. Praise God for word processors and check spelling. I tell you all of this because I can’t keep appealing on my own. I have a good mind to hire an attorney to sue the government. My children were never brought into my rehab. care so they don’t understand what I have been going through nor to what extinct damages were done. My daughter had been paying my bills but not on a regular basis. I guess she juggled them. Then, also having someone else run my bills up cost me money I don’t have. Somebody added a 2 resident line on my service. I didn’t. That would account for hearing someone pick up a phone and listen in on my conversations. My friends hear it too. A repairman told me it has to be being done at the time the line is being checked to determine it. I don’t know if that service had been added when my line was check to see if someone was illegally using service (like moved into a house and the phones worked but the service was not registered). Somebody added call forwarding busy no ring service to my service. I did not. I am not paranoid. Check my phone bills. I can’t pay for something someone else is doing fraudulently. The phone company said go to the police. The police said go to the phone company. Who do I go to? Why can’t somebody help me? You will continually be paying for emergency room visits as long as this stress goes on. Will it eventually kill me? My family physician, Dr. Peter Damico, has not been treating me. Emergency room doctors have done most of my care. On Dec. 20, 1994 I called his office with complaints of dizziness and when I blew my nose I felt faint. His nurse asked me if I was seeing a psychiatrist. I told her what made her think I need to see a psychiatrist. She said the reason was very obvious. She said she would talk to the doctor and see if he would send me out an anti-biotic for my upper respiratory infection. I had diarrhea from the second week in November until the first week in January. It was after almost 5 weeks before the doctor ordered a barium enema (Dec. 14th when Medicaid was no longer in service). He had not ordered any medicine yet for my bronchitis, sinusitis, and eventually laryngitis and hoarseness. He said I had diverticulitis. A barium enema cannot give that diagnosis and you have to have diverticulum to have diverticulitis, I don’t. The emergency room doctor told me I had irritable bowel syndrome...sure for diarrhea going on so long without being treated. The medicine the doctor did prescribe after 6 weeks caused me to seizure. I had to get other medicine. $$$ Now, after talking to the nurse, I called 911. When the ambulance got here, my blood pressure was 200/130. I am glad I did not do what the nurse wanted me to do which was nothing but call a psychiatrist. Closed head injury people are prejudged as mentally ill, paranoid, retarded, misfits, liars, ignorant, drunk, or dopers. Why? Where are the medical professionals who have patience, compassion, understanding and caring for us? One time at All St’s emergency room, I called my children to ask if they could bring me home. I went by ambulance to the hospital. I was told to call a taxi if it only cost $9.00. It would cost them to drive from Arlington to bring me home in Fort Worth. When I hung the phone up, I cried hysterically because that hurt terribly. A nurse told me to quit crying. I had their phone and had just made a phone call. Why couldn’t she find out why I was crying? I told her and she still told me to shut up. You tell me who is sick? The next day my children came over wanting me to sell my home and possessions and give up my pets and move into a retirement center. I was told if I refused they would have me committed to a mental institution. I was also told I would have to pay my daughter’s attorney out of my estate. Supposedly she had guardianship papers drawn up. Wrong. I was never served papers to get an evaluation but my daughter spoke to the police when they came. I called them because I was being attacked by my children and I was defenseless. (read further where my daughter physically attacked me). They had me sent to John Peter Smith Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. I was confused because I had seizured the day before and felt weird when I got up that morning and called my daughter so I agreed when asked if that was what I wanted to do. I wanted to go for medical reasons because of how I felt. I passed the evaluation. (that was also videoed) Instead of help and a family counsel to try to solve the tension that had been building (my son took advantage of me) I was told what they wanted me to do. My dog has been a lifesaver for me. I now finally have a place of my own. Why should I make a hasty decision and give it all up? My daughter got abusive with me. She grabbed both my arms and pinned me against the wall and threw me on the bed (the hide-a-bed was open) and repeated the sequence. That is a matter of medical report. She left imprints on my arms that you could feel and days later I had bruises. She is stressed. My daughter did not mean to hurt me nor lose her temper, I hope. My son was passive and went along for the ride. I spoke with an attorney and she suggested that what I need is refuge; a place to stay until I can get my health stabilized. I needed that when I was first head injured but I never got it. Stress management and job training were ordered but I’ve never received that. The idea was not to make a snap judgment and sell my home, etc. but to get my health in order first. That is what I told my children. I was making plans they did not know about. I would agree to a place like where I worked for a short while, Meadowbrook of Arlington or something similar where I could bring my parakeet and my dog. My dog has a symbiotic relationship with me because it has been her and me all day and night since shortly after I got her. I got so depressed at one time, had it not been for my dog, I may have committed suicide. I have fought those thoughts before. I am a Christian and don’t want to kill myself, however, I believe a head injured person may be capable of doing so unintentionally if stressed enough. That is why I put my gun in the garage. Only the police, my son’s girlfriend, and my children knew it was there, unless whoever left the Vodka bottle saw it and stole it. (I later found out that the police had found it and confiscated it, gave it to my son and I eventually got it back only for it to be stolen for real.) A social worker came over but she is allergic to dogs and could not tolerate being around my dog. Italian Greyhounds usually don’t disturb allergies. So many bazaar things have been happening in my life, this lady could not handle it. She said she would leave and think about everything and get back with me. Well, I don’t have a phone anymore and she has not paged me. I doubt if she could decipher anything. Everything is too confusing. A psychiatrist cannot stop the vandalism, the stalking, the harassment. I lost a part-time job because of the calls at work. I have yet to be paid for that job too. Because I was an independent contractor I probably won’t. Care to walk in my shoes? (Please note, the social worker never did a thing for me.) I resent anybody telling me not to get angry. I have every right to be hurt and angry. How can I keep up with my expenses when I am having a hard time just existing? Remove the black cloud from over me. AS YOU CAN SEE, IT IS DIFFICULT FOR ME TO STAY FOCUESD. I DRIFT FROM ONE IDEA TO ANOTHER AND BACK AGAIN. SORRY, THAT’S THE AFFECTS OF THE SEIZURES AND DILANTIN TOXICITY. WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES. Did you read all of this or toss it aside? Are you concerned about me or saving the government money? Should I take the time to be stressed out again and hire an attorney to sue the government? This is so damn time consuming. Care to pay me for my time? You are paying for the stress it causes! PS-My son is 100% responsible for the medical expense of his two children. They were on Medicaid until my son started staying a few nights with me because of the stalker, etc. (He did not pay an rent. He ran up a high phone bill he still owes for. He ate elsewhere and spent many nights at his girlfriend’s instead of here. I never knew what nights he would stay here). My ex-daughter-in-law took the children off Medicaid. She said she didn’t want to be on welfare. She knew my grand daughter needed an operation. She told my son she could not afford to pay any on the surgery and divorce papers state he is 100% responsible. She further stated that if he signed away all rights to his children, she could come up with the money to pay for the operations. She has threatened to leave and bring them to Maine where her parents live. Because my grand children live under “their mother’s roof.” (update: she moved in with her lover later married him) My son can not get them back on Medicaid. He cannot get insurance for a pre-existing condition or does he have the money to do so. How fair is that when he is responsible for 100% of their medical? Who made all these rules? Roosevelt must be turning cartwheels in his grave!

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